The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
