goodnight i made you a song goodbye
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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