Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
