Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Randomize
