he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize