I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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