my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
