clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
