dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
