dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so let's talk penis.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
