Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
