How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
