This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You took a bar mat shot.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Everyone says I win the strip club
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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