so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
