Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
