Got a toothbrush?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
