woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
