You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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