Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize