when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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