Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
May the power of my ass compel you!!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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