I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
