I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
whose ass print is on the piano?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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