i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
