I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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