When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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