just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
