turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
