I'm going to rape someone's good day.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
