Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Someone shattered a urinal.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
