Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I will be naked everywhere
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
