Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
