I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
