let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
