chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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