you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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