When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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