your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
