I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
