i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
