My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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