Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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