It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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