I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
