You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
