my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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