im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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