I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize