I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize