Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
