So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
