OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
