I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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