We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
