Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Sorry about my life...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
