I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Come see our sink grown plant.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
