Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
