My pussy is not your playground.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
