I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
