He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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