I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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