i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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