Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
