I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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