My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I came so hard my ears popped.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
ok first of all what the fuck
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
