it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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