I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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