I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
