he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
