I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
