I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
